Tomorrow it will be a month since that fall off “my” horse. And it’s been pretty shitty! And if 2024 keeps going the way it has been going, it’s probably going to end up being a pretty damn shitty year altogether.
Every day, I apply for two or three jobs. Every day, I get at least one: “Thank you for taking the time to apply, but we will not be moving forward with your application” message. I’m getting pretty darn fed up with all the rejection. It’s not enough the “job machine” totally killed any confidence I had in my capabilities, but now it won’t even give me a chance to redeem myself.
The new car is already giving me trouble. The fuel gauge seems fucked. I fill the tank, but is only shows that it’s a little over halfway full. (The fuel tank is half full – haha). Then the computer will tell you that you still have a range of 180km. But 10km further, it will say you only have a range of 100km. And then, BOOM, it says: “Oops, sorry, you needed to fill up at the fuel station you just passed. Better find a place to turn around, because you won’t make it to the next one!” I’m having it checked out next week, but honestly, I didn’t need the hassle!
To make matters even worse, my back still has me in agony. Although I can now at least get out of bed without getting on all fours and crawling out backwards, it is still in a spasm and just about everything hurts! I get that I’m older and that I don’t bounce back so quickly any more, but this is getting ridiculous. I’m starting to worry that the doctor I saw was wrong and that I really seriously injured myself this time.
I also had to send said horse back (because I could no longer afford the livery) to the friend who loaned her to me and now I don’t even have anything to do to keep my sanity in check. I had to go back to the livery yard today because my daughter still has lessons. Our saddle rack is still empty, with her name on a small sticker above it…like it’s just waiting on her return…It was almost too much to take.
I try to keep myself busy. I try and learn new skills. I try to keep the hope alive that things cannot always be bad, but in all honesty, I don’t know how much more I can take…Everything is once again falling spectacularly apart.
Me, my life and I 