Do Not Resuscitate
Despite not being Methodist, Lutheran, Anglican, Roman Catholic or any kind of Orthodox I have always thought of “giving something up for lent” being a bit romantic. So being on the spiritual path I am currently (I’m not sure what it is exactly or where it will lead, but let’s see!). I thought this year would be the year. But Ash Wednesday came and went and I couldn’t really think of anything I could give up.
I have two small children, two dogs that for whatever reason need to go out in the wee hours of the morning (very rarely at the same time!) and a husband that snores so loudly he wakes himself up sometimes. Therefore, I need my coffee, or tea, or whatever caffeine-packed drink it takes to stop me from snoozing on my keyboard at work. Sugar, well, chocolate is the only thing that keeps me from killing, so no. That would never do.
Then, yesterday I was reading some post about being kind to yourself and how that helps empathy develop toward others bla-de-bla-bla. So, I decided to give up “judging” for lent. It went really well, I thought. I sat through an entire staff meeting, feeling all serene and wonderful. Every time that little scorny, screechy voice in my head popped up I would calmly tell her that we are not judging people any more. We are accepting them as they are, whatever that may be; we have no idea why they are they way they are, or what pain and trauma got them there. She would get off her high horse and sulk quietly in the corner, glaring at me, not unlike a toddler from his time-out chair.
I was nailing this thing! For about, exactly one hour. Then I read this. Whoa! The little judgmental bitch jumped up from her corner like a jack-in-a-box, screaming and shouting, looking rather rabid: “See, how can you not judge that! How can any partly sane human being justify such cruelty!” And I could do nothing but agree with her. Everything humans touch, is entrenched in cruelty to animals (or other humans). I find it really hard to live in this world sometimes, with all it’s beauty and all the wonders, there is just too much pain and suffering which cannot be made up for.
So, here is what I am giving up on instead: LIFE. (No, I am not going to do anything stupid, do not run out and update my life insurance!) I just mean that I will no longer participate in life as modern society has decided it should be. I will stop all the strife and “get-going” to get somewhere and goal-setting-and-sacrificing-everything-to-reach-them-shit. I will be taking no extraordinary measures any more. Because like that little meme on Facebook says: If being successful and rich depended on hard work only, there are people who would be stinking rich, but who are in fact piss-poor. I give over. I surrender completely. To whatever. I am not saying that opportunities will go by unnoticed and untaken, but I will not try and make them happen either.
I will continue to try and be more empathic and loving, but let’s face it, I can never be completely happy unless I have something to bitch about!
I am hereby declaring that I am emphatically stepping out of the rat-race. Que cera cera. (I might even get a tattoo with that as inspiration!)