My last post of 2015 had some err… unexpected repercussions, to say the least. I have had to go and reread it to see what all the fuss was about. I understand some of the concerns that were raised, but mostly, it proves my point. We are so restricted by our own thoughts of how things “ought” to be…so cramped by ideas of what life should be that we leave too little room for living!
But I do have to set one thing straight: I am not blaming anybody or anything. I am simply saying how the way things are, is making me feel. I tried to explain how I feel to a friend by using the analogy of a butterfly tied to a string, trying to fly away to freedom, but being held back by everything I “need” on the ground. Beating and beating my wings until they are broken. Boy, did I get told off like it was nobody’s business! And all I was trying to say is that I am tired. Tired of being boxed in and tired of being tired. All. The. Time.
So, in case anybody missed it. I am not assigning blame to anyone or anything. I am simply trying to express how I feel in the circumstances that I have helped create. I am trying to find ways of breaking away from that string that will preserve what little is left of my wings…
Since that last post, I have been on holiday for two weeks. The first was spent in my childhood home, surrounded by family and all the chaos and drama that that entails. It was good to be home. It was good to be surrounded by “my” people; the ones from whence I came. But it was also a little sad. Here I was back in my house of dreams (and by that I mean the house where they were in fact dreamed up) and despite all the major life accomplishments, I had forgotten who I was…
The second week was spent at the seaside with my “new” family. The family which I chose for myself when I decided to get married. It was good too. It was good to be surrounded by people who have accepted me despite my quirks and eccentricities.
Sometimes we just get so caught up in the roles that society has created for us, and who we imagine we should be, that we forget who we are. I am not unhappy. I am just a little lost. I need to find me again.
I decided to start with my diet. So I have finished an entire Terry’s Chocolate Orange! (But in fairness to me, the last time I tried to eat it segment by segment, the delinquent dog found it and decided to gobble it up!)
“And then she’d say it’s OK I got lost on the way, But I’m a Super girl and Super girls don’t cry”